Holiday Stories: Navigating Divisive Topics with Love and Empathy
Every year, just before we left for holiday break, my teacher, the late Angeles Arrien, would offer kind advice -
"Remember, family will WORK you" -- she reminded us to enter softly, kindly, and centered as much as possible - no en garde; no attack; no retreat.
Currently working with the brilliant connector, Michael Margolis, founder and CEO of Storied Inc in his 5-week sprint called "Narrative Influence" and have been exploring the reframing concept of Old Story and New Story.
It got me thinking ...
Knowing Angeles as a unifier, I believe her reminder was also a challenge to "lighten the WORK load" - do we really have to be "worked" by family? Is this an old story?
Consider this example -
A family gathered around the dinner table, each member armed with their beliefs, ready for a verbal skirmish. The discussions become heated, emotions run high, and the divide grows deeper. It's an old story, a familiar script that leaves everyone feeling wounded and disconnected.
But what if we could rewrite this narrative?
Imagine a scene where vulnerability takes center stage, where family members share their truths without fear of judgment. It's a new story where conversations are not battles but opportunities for understanding. In this narrative, we actively seek common ground, fostering connections beyond ideological differences.
Here's the dream - not only for family gatherings but any gathering; dinner table, lunch room, or department meeting -
Courageous Conversations: In the old story, silence prevailed to avoid conflict. In the new story, we summon the courage to speak openly, acknowledging our vulnerability. Instead of tiptoeing around divisive topics, we approach them with the intention of understanding each other's perspectives.
Active Listening and Empathy: In the old story, conversations were a one-way street, each person determined to get their point across. In the new story, we embrace active listening and empathy. We strive to understand, not just to respond, creating a space where everyone feels heard and validated.
Finding Shared Joy: In the old story, joy was overshadowed by discord. In the new story, we consciously seek moments of shared joy – laughter, shared memories, and the simple pleasures that remind us of our deep connections. These moments become the anchors that keep us grounded.
Expressing Love Amidst Differences: The old story was marked by a sense of distance. In the new story, we recognize that love is the common ground. We express our love despite differences, acknowledging that our shared bonds are stronger than the issues that threaten to tear us apart.
Setting Boundaries with Compassion: In the old story, boundaries were non-existent or rigid, leading to heightened tensions. In the new story, we set boundaries with compassion. We communicate our limits respectfully, creating a space where everyone feels secure expressing themselves without fear of hostility.
May we strive to create new stories - where vulnerability is embraced, courageous conversations lead to understanding, and love becomes the unifying force. It's a narrative that we can collectively rewrite, transforming our gatherings into spaces of connection, healing, and shared joy.
After all, the beauty of a story lies not just in its telling but in its potential to evolve and inspire change.